(A man was rushing in from outside to a small, but somehow cosy, living room.  His dog was sitting there by the sofa.)

Man:  Brrrrrrrrrr…….rrrrh…!!  It’s cold!!  It’s freezing!!  Why is it so cold, Richie?!!

His Dog:  (Calmly) Because it is winter, dear Master.

M:  ….

HD:  It was you who told me some time ago that it was cold in winter, if you allow me to remind you, Master.

M:  Did I?  …OK, …fair enough….

Anyway, I met a terrible fate today, Richie!!

HD:  Who was he?

M:  Who was what?

HD:  Mr Terrible Fate.

M:  No, no, Richie!  I did not meet anyone today!

HD:  (“Humans tend to contradict themselves quickly”.)

M:  I mean I had an awful experience today, Richie!!

HD:  (“Humans tend to change subject suddenly and abruptly”.)

M:  I tried to take a bus from King’s Road, Richie.  When I walked to the usual bus stop, though, it said it was Not in Use.  Well, I walked to the next stop, as this normally solves the problem.  They rarely close more than one stop in a row.  But look, actually they did exactly that, today.  The next stop was Not in Use either.  “Oh, well”, I thought, “sometimes for some reason a couple of stops are closed at a time”, and walked to another stop.  You know what, Richie!?  The third stop was also closed.  Unusual.  Now that I had been walking down the street long enough to be far from the Tube by then, which meant there was no other transport available, I just kept walking, wishing that the bus stop next would be in use.  But…no!  It was not, Richie!!  Eventually I found myself walking all down King’s Road to its very end!  And there I saw a road work going on in a small section at the edge of this very long street.    I realised for the first time that the whole street was closed because of this!!  The buses were all diverted.  This tiny digging spot was the cause of the whole closure!!  Can you imagine this, Richie!!?

HD:  I can imagine terriers digging.  Were they terriers?

M:  What?

HD:  Terriers are very good at digging, naturally.  You know the origin of their name, I hope, Master?  The word “terrier” is derived from the Latin word “terra”, which means “earth”.

HD:  Oh, I had no idea….  No, no.  Not terriers!  It’s a road work, Richie, all done by men!

HD:  I am disappointed.

M:  So was I!!

Well, at that time I was already more than 15 minutes later than I had intended to be.  I was on my way to the National Theatre, to see the play, you know.  Anyway, I walked further to the stop next to it, away from King’s Road.  And I waited there for the bus with other people.  I could see now various buses were in operation, which meant it was safe this time, or at least so I thought, Richie!

Then, what do you think happened next?  I waited and waited for the bus I needed.  Only 211 goes to the National, you know.  All the other numbers came and went, but not a single 211!!  I felt desperate.  Now I had a very thin chance of getting to the theatre in time for the play’s start.  All the passing taxies were occupied.  There was nothing I could do but just pray!

HD:  (Calmly) Amen.

M:  After 25 minutes’ waiting, 211 arrived finally.  “Thank God”, I thought, “I might be in time if the streets are not too busy!”

HD:  (Again calmly) The prayer was answered.

M:  I jumped on the bus.  When the bus came to Victoria Coach Station, though, the driver suddenly announced that it was the last stop!!  No other buses were around.  Can you imagine, Richie?!!  He just ordered everyone to change there to the next bus…!!  Damn!!!

I was rather panicking.  I took the next available bus regardless of the number, I mean its destination.  Whatever it was, the bus should take me somewhere a little further, somewhere closer to the National, I thought, I could perhaps walk from there!

But this bus went only 2 stops further in my desired direction.  I got out.  There I waited again for whatever would take me to the National, a bus, taxi, or a horse, camel, or even an elephant!!

HD:  Elephants are slow walkers and camels often decide to sit down on the way.

M:  As you know, Richie, I am the person who usually takes plenty of time to reach the destination, and today was no exception.  I left about 90 minutes before the start of the play, and it normally takes me 45 minutes to get to the National.  But now I only had 10 minutes left with me!!  Jesus Christ!!  When I screamed that in my mind, 211 came at last.  “Good heavens, it is now a race against time!!”

Of course it makes no difference if I run on the bus, you know.  So I sat quietly almost giving up the play I had already paid for….

We came to Waterloo station at the exact time that the play was supposed to start.  I knew I had missed it, as you are not allowed to go in once the play has started.  But I ran anyway.  I ran and ran, actually not knowing why I was doing so, to be honest.

HD:  We often run for the sake of running.

M:  I arrived in front of the theatre doors where my play was on, just 10 minutes late.  But, behold, the doors were still closed and the people were queuing.  “Thank God!!  I was in time, somehow”, I thought.

I went straight to the end of the queue closest to me, listening to the other people talking.  It seemed there was some technical failure, and the play was delayed.  It would start 15 or so minutes later. “Wow!!  This is a miracle!!”

HD:  Your prayer really was answered.

M: When I reached the top of the queue, however, the attendant at the door told me that I was in the wrong queue, and my seat should be approached from the other door.  “Oh, ppplease…!!!  Both doors lead to the same floor, and the theatre is not sectioned!!”  He did not accept this, though.

I staggered towards the other door and to the end of the queue there, completely exhausted….

 

A few minutes later, I was in the theatre, and in my booked seat.  The lights were off and the people became silent.  I stared at the stage, with feelings of disbelief, wonder, gratitude, relief and some indignation.

Damn, Transport for London!!  They charge us obscene amount of fare, and the services are never ever reliable.  This is wrong, Richie!  It should not go on like this!  We cannot do this all the time, eh?  …Richie?!

HD:  I am doing this all the time, Master.  And quite well, thank you.

M:  Doing what?

HD:  Being a dog.

M:  Oh, …OK.

HD:  Don’t worry, Master.  As far as I can see, you are doing well, too.

M:  Am I?

HD:  Yes, not perfect, of course, but well enough….

M:  It is good of you to say so, whatever you mean.

HD:  Yes, Master.  I mean, being a human.  I suppose that is why you men sometimes call yourselves human-beings, don’t you? …When you are in a philosophical mood.  Actually, we dogs are also called canine-beings, philosophically.

M:  Do you know philosophy, Richie?

HD:  Of course.

M:  I did not know that.

HD:  Yes, I do.  Sufficient enough to tell you this.

M:  Umm…OK.

HD:  Were you late for the play?

M:  No.

HD:  Excellent!  I am pleased to hear that, Master.  Great day, then.

M:  Well…, that was good, indeed.  It’s almost a miracle that I was not late!

HD:  I told you your prayer was answered.

M:  But…, I mean, I was exhausted after all this, you know, too unnecessarily tired.

HD:  Then I recommend you to go to bed.  The best thing, when you are tired, is to sleep, Master.  Actually, in my book, the best thing, and the second best thing, and the third and fourth and fifth best thing, when you are tired, is to sleep.

M:  And what is the sixth?

HD:  Dogs are supposed to be able to count only to 5.

M:  Are you?  …Fair enough.