A Sunday morning.  A man was reading a paper in a sofa.  His dog was sitting at his feet.  The church bell was ringing loudly, but quite invitingly, from the church next door.

His Dog:  You used to go to church on Sundays, Master.

Man:  Hmmm.

HD:  I have not seen you go recently, Master.

M:  Umm…no.

HD:  Have you realised that the faith cannot help you after all?  Or that God is merely the dog who tries to stand on his head?

M:  Um…no….  …What did you say?

HD:  I spoke about the unreliable nature of human faiths, Master.

M:  No, no, the latter half.

HD:  Ah, God.  God is just another form of a dog, you know, Master.  Try reading it backwards.  I suppose the fact somehow has discouraged you.

M:  Oh, Richie, that is good!  …Ha, ha!    But no.  That is not the reason.

I do not go to church because I do not like the way it has been managed these days.  A management issue, Richie, politics.  Even the church has political issues, you know.

HD:  Yes, humans love politics.  We canines do not.  Anyway, what “political issue” has discouraged you, then, Master?

M:  Well…, some time ago, we had our annual church meeting.  Among other things we had to discuss our finance in it.  That is good, we all need money.

HD:  Luckily, we canines do not.

M:  What happened there then is, Richie, they brought a marketing specialist from the City to lecture us on how to increase the church’s income by clever marketing.  Marketing!?  “Oh, no…”, I thought.  Is the church something to market for…eh, Richie?

HD:  Can you buy a church, say, on websites?

M:  Of course, not.  Well, you may buy a church building, perhaps, in some cases.  But you cannot buy a church community, or worse still, church as a faith.

HD:  You cannot market something which you cannot buy.

M:  Exactly, Richie.  I do not mind if we talk about how to attract people’s interest in church, for example.  But, to market it?  I really loath the idea.  This man even used PowerPoint.  He showed us tables and charts, to explain his marketing strategies to hit the targets.  Marketing strategies!?  What strategies?  What targets?  These words simply cannot come into the same sentence as church, in my opinion.  The church is not a business.  You cannot market a church, or a religion in that sense, like biscuits or a new car!  Disgusting.

I know the church needs money, too, to operate properly.  But when you deal with it as if you deal with a newly selected contestant’s début album, it is wrong!  It certainly is wrong!!  Commercialisation of the church makes it really cheap!

What I am trying to say is that there should have been some other ways to discuss our finance.  A more appropriate one, you know.  I am not feeling happy to belong to a church which has marketing strategies!

HD:  The issue is quite a pawful, I am sure.

M:  What?

HD:  I meant the issue of an appropriate discussion about church finance.

M:  Yes, I know that.  But after “quite”, what did you say?

HD:  A pawful.  Sorry, master, it is the canine equivalent to human handful.  You know, we have no hands.

M: Oh, no.  I understand.

HD:  Thank you.

M:  Anyway, then something else happened recently.  And I must say it was the last straw.

HD:  Oh, the poor camel.

M:  Well, last week we were all sent a form to fill in.  The form in which you were advised to declare how much offering you were planning to give every month, and how much increase you had decided to make this year.  We were told to submit this form with our signatures on it next time we went to church, at the door.  This may sound rather difficult for you Richie, but offerings are all about your good intention not about the amount you pay.

HD:  I remember the story in the Bible, thank you, Master.

M:  Do you?

HD:  Of course.  It was about the poor man who gave everything he had, which seemed to be very small, by other people’s standards.  But Christ loved his conduct.  I love the story.  We do not mind if the amount is small or large when we see the money, either.

M:  Well, that is a bit different, actually…but well done, Richie.  You are clever.

HD:  Have you only noticed it now?

M:  No, no.  You always have been clever, I know that.

HD:  That is a relief.

M:  Now, along with the form, they sent us a list of things with which we entertained ourselves, with the cost each of them incurred.  A daily paper, a cup of coffee, a concert ticket, a dinner at a restaurant, a holiday in Southern France, and so on.  It was as if we all have plenty of money and tend to spend a lot on our leisure alone.  No, Richie, we are not all doing well or even solvent.

HD:  I know that, perhaps more than any other dogs, Master.

M:  Well, it is rather insulting to the people, like me, who are struggling.  Discouraging, even, I think.  How can they dare to assume everyone is doing well but reluctant to help others?  Of course there are people who are always ready to spend much for their own pleasure, but not at all for the sake of others.  But that is not everyone.  Have they ever thought of the people, like me, Richie, who are struggling to pay bills, loans and mortgages, etcetera?  The way they talked was like saying that we were all affluent sinners, and because of that they could justify the form they wanted us to fill in, which is not true.  You know, some of us are struggling, but are still willing to give according to our own situations.  The offering should be like that.  It is said in the Bible as you have just said, Richie.

HD:  St Bernard called such a person “a cheerful giver” in his letter to Corinthians.

M:  That is St Paul, Richie, …but otherwise, well done!

HD:  Oh, sorry, Master.  One of our friends is called St Bernard, and that is why I was confused. Unfortunately, there is no dog called St Paul…not yet.

M:  You know, Richie, I am a cheerful giver, though occasionally.  What is wrong with an occasional giver?  A cheerful giver is the one who is ready to give when and how he or she can, but not the one who declares a certain amount of payment each month and pays it by direct debit!  Why do they ask you for such a thing?

HD:  Because it is pawy.

M:  What?

HD:  The direct debit is considered handy by many humans.

M:  Oh, I know what you mean now, Richie.  Yes, it may be handy, especially for them, ha, ha, ha.

Anyway, one man’s tenner is another man’s million!  The whole thing is insulting to those who are religious but have some trouble with finance–even offensive!  And the signed form collected at the door of the church?  What could you do if you cannot give a regular offering and feel too ashamed not to have signed the form because of that?  Do they dare not to pass the man at the door into church when they cannot submit the form as they cannot pay regularly?  This almost means if you cannot give an offering, you cannot go to church!

In my opinion, the offering is not the kind of thing to be “advised” to “declare” a “regular payment” on a piece of paper with your signature on it, let alone the form is to be collected at the church door!

You know, I give an offering when I can, as much I can, according to my situation at the time.  And this should be the way of offering and should remain so!

This whole attitude of our church is really disappointing, discouraging, and disgusting.

Now, that is the reason why I do not go to church any more, Richie.

HD:  I see.  Do not worry, my dear Master.  God resides everywhere, not only in church, you know.  You can see him where you think he is.

M:  …Yes, …of course.  Thank you, Richie.

HD:  And I am quite happy to try standing on my head for you, Master, whenever and wherever you like.