(A man is reading a paper on a sofa with his dog by its side.)

Man:   Hmmmm, 150 years.  Must have been glorious 150 years, I am sure.

His Dog:  What is?

M:  This department store.  It celebrates its 150th anniversary this year, according to this article.  The shop is famous for its good customer services.   I have heard many people speak highly of it.  That’s all very well, you know.  Apart from the service once given to me, I must say.  It was probably the worst customer service I have ever received.  Well, at least one of the very worst.  I shall never forget it.

HD:  Are you going to oppose the idea of celebration then, Master?

M:  Ha, ha….  Of course, not.  It is none of my business.  But I cannot help telling others what I have experienced whenever this name comes up.

HD:  Then, please do not help.

M:  Help… what?

HD:  I said please tell me the story.  I hope my grammar was alright.

M:  Ha, ha, Richie, you are funny.

Anyway, it happened 2 years ago, that is before your time, Richie.  I wish you had been with me then.  You could have helped me keep my sanity, I am sure.

HD:  I am sorry you are insane.

M:  What?  I am quite OK!  …I believe!

HD:  I thought you said you have gone insane, Master.

M:  Well, temporarily, yes, I think.  It actually drove me mad at the time.

HD:  I am pleased you have un-maddened.

M:  Un-…???

HD:  Recovered, I mean.  What happened 2 years ago?

M:  Well, it was just after Christmas.  It all started when I ordered a large laundry basket online from this department store.  The one similar to that standing there, Richie.  Not that one, but the similar one.

When you order, you can choose whether you go to the shop for collection or you want it to be delivered to you.  Look, Richie, it is huge.  Not heavy but large enough for you to get in rather comfortably.  No, no, Richie, do not try it now!!

HD:  Maybe later.

M:  No, please don’t.  Anyway, it was too big for me to carry all the way from the shop, and of course if I took a taxi, that would cost far more than the delivery charge.  Naturally, I chose the home delivery option.  As it was nearing the end of the year, I checked if it would be delivered before the New Year.  They said the 28th was the last possible date for the delivery that year.  “OK”, I chose the date.

I asked about the delivery time.  From 8 in the morning to 6 in the evening, they said.  This meant the whole day, you know, or the whole working hours, at least.

HD:  That was the clever way to say they did not know the time.

M:  Exactly.  I further asked if they would call me on the way to let me know they were coming.  They would not.  “Oh, well, I could stay at home for a day waiting”, I thought.  There were things to do.

They might come the first thing in the morning, so I finished my breakfast early, before 8, just in case.  They did not come.  It became 10, then 11, nothing happened.  Then, the clock struck.  It was midday.  Nothing.  “Well”, I told myself, “these things normally happen in the afternoon”, and kept concentrating on what I was doing.  It became 2 o’clock.  No doorbell.  3, 4, 5….  Nothing.  “OK, sometimes it comes at the very last moment”.  And…now, it was 6.  No delivery… at all!

HD:  Humans lie.

M:  That’s right, Richie.  I was good, though, and waited another 10 minutes.  Nothing, of course.  Now I picked up the phone and dialled the customer service’s number.  You know, Richie, then came the same old recorded messages and long wait….

HD:  Waistline.

M:  That’s it!

Eventually a man answered.  I told him there was no delivery despite the previous arrangement.  Now, his answer was a most unexpected one!  The delivery people came to my home and rang the bell several times, but no answer.  There was nothing they could do but to bring the item back to their warehouse!!  So they came, didn’t they?!  And I was not there, was I?  There was nothing for them to do, was there?  I had been here all day all the time, and I knew no one came.  No doorbell, no calling.  How dare they could tell such a lie?

HD:  To impress you, perhaps.

M:  No, Richie, no!!  Anyway, the important thing now, was to make sure it would be delivered.  I tried to calm down and asked him to arrange the delivery again for the day after.  His answer?  Well, he said that day was the last possible delivery date of the year as they had already told me.  “Sorry, sir, but no delivery until the 4th January”!!

Whaaat?!  “It was your fault, you can make an exception, surely”, I retorted.  “No, sir, sorry.  It should be the 4th January.  We cannot do otherwise, sir”.  “Oh, OK, OK…then deliver it on the 4th.  But make sure that it definitely comes this time!”

So, there I was, on the 4th January, again at home waiting from 8 in the morning.  But this time, I was not expecting it to come very early.  I knew they were not particularly keen, nor was I.  It came about 2 in the afternoon.  Not bad.  Not too bad, I thought.

HD:  Brilliant, Master!

M:  No, Richie, it was not!!

I opened the large box and took the contents out, examining it.  Oh, my God…!!  It was broken!!  The board at the bottom was dismantled…!  I was speechless, for a while.  Then I took the phone again.  After the wait, I told the man who answered that it was broken and I wanted the replacement.  What do you think he said, Richie?

HD:  “It must have been a very heavy dog”.

M:  What?   No, no.   He said that I should bring the item back to the shop!  Or send it by post!  Only when they received the broken item, then they would dispatch the replacement!

HD:  Sounds rather fair to me….

M:  Yes, maybe, the latter part was.  But listen, the former part, Richie.  I ordered the delivery, originally, as the item was too big to carry.  And now they wanted me to carry it to the shop, or to the post office, or anywhere in that sense!!??  Ridiculous!  Simply ridiculous!!

HD:  Humans often do not know what they are doing.

M:  Well, when I tried to explain, he understood.  He said I could just throw it away and he would arrange the replacement delivery.  “Another delivery…”, I thought.  Another day’s wait without any chance to go out all day….

But I should get this done, you know.  Therefore, I agreed to the delivery on the next day.  I asked him, just in case, if there was any possibility to make the delivery time a bit more specific….  Yes, you are right, Richie.  Of course, the answer was no.

The next day I waited as before.  The delivery came about 4 in the afternoon.  By now I did not mind at what time it came.  It came.  That was enough!

HD:  Splendid!

M:  I cannot blame you if you say that.  But, no!   Nooooooooooooooooo!!

Again, I opened the box, put the thing out and examined it…it looked alright.  I tried to open the lid, naturally, then look!  The hinge was broken!!

HD:  A dog was on it this time, not in it.

M:  Oh, Richie….

I telephoned again.  A woman answered this time.  I had to repeat the same claim again.  She advised me to do the same thing as the other person did before.  I refused.  She understood.  But this time, I thought I had had enough!  I did not ask for the replacement.  I just told her I would throw it away, and no more delivery, please refund the money I paid.  You know, Richie, I thought I had better go to a nearby shop and buy one from there.  I was sure I could carry it from there.  Actually, I chose the department store, thinking the quality should have been good.  It was not!!  Two out of two were broken!!  That was 100% probability!!

HD:  Even a dog can calculate that.

M:  Yes, Richie.  I was quite sure the nearby shop sold the better item.

The money would be paid back into my credit card account in 11 working days, she said.  OK, that was reasonable.  I just told her once more please make sure everything would be done without fail.  She promised and apologised for my inconvenience.

Oh, well, that was it.  No more awful delivery, no more waiting, no more broken baskets, I thought.  How wrong I was!!

The next day, I was out and on my way home I popped in to the local shop to buy the similar basket.  That is actually the one which sits there now.

HD:  Ah, good!

M:  No, Richie.  Not good.

When I came home with my newly bought basket, there in front of my door sat the large box, to which I had been so accustomed by then!!  The same packaging, the same logo!!

Somehow, they managed to deliver me another replacement, which, I definitely refused!!  At that moment, I felt all my energy was drawing out from my body.

HD:  Another wasteline?

M:  Exactly. I most certainly did not want another bloody low quality basket!  Now that the item was there with me, however, that meant no refund would be made….    I had to re-arrange the refund, and above all arrange the collection of unwanted basket!

I told the customer service’s guy that I had never had such an awful, tiresome, disgusting experience before, and was not at all happy with their inefficiency in handling the order.  You know what, Richie?  Their excuse was, they did not deliver items themselves, they used the delivery company, and it was this company who was inefficient.

Whaaat!!??  Choose the agent, then.  Instruct them, tell them what they should or should not do!!  If they do not do the right job, change it!  And what about the quality?  Choose the manufacturer and monitor their work.  It was definitely not the services I had expected from such a celebrated store, I said.

“I am very sorry, sir.  I will make sure the refund will properly be made, and, as a gesture of good will, I will arrange to pay an extra £25 into your account, sir, for your inconvenience”, the man said.

HD:  Did he?

M:  Yes.

HD:  And did you duly receive this £25 extra, Master?

M:  Yes, eventually.

HD:  And you bought the better basket from the shop nearby, am I right?

M:  Yes, Richie.  You are right.  It is there, you know.

HD:  Excellent!!  What a happy ending!  I am glad for you, Master.

M:  …..